Thursday, June 16, 2011

New posts: COMING SOON!


Dear anyone,

I bet this one surprised you a little bit. Didn't see it coming, did ya? Yeah well, neither did I to be honest with you. I've been on a four-month or so, "hiatus," if you will. After all, it wasn't the first time I went away--after shifting into a completely in the zone writing period of six months in which I waged an all-out war against the Internet (late February-August 2010), I vanished for a little while. I returned later in the fall, but never was able to find my rhythm and faded once again after the 2nd annual Oscar Running Diary the last day of February. I wasn't planning any miraculous comebacks or anything like that, but when the renewal notice came in my email for the Beer and Cleaning Products domain name, I figured, what the fuck, it's here for me to do my worst with, right? Nothing has changed in that regard, no matter how many readers I may have alienated or let down with my frequent disappearing acts.

This website became a way for me to express myself as an artist (a fucked in the head one, at that), but like any writer, I've gone through a couple rough blockages over the last year or so. These periods aren't a surprise to me at all, but when they come, they hit with all their might. They sap any and all creative energy and motivation from me, and unfortunately I prove to be somewhat powerless in defending myself against it. I've been making excuses for awhile, but it just seems like the right time for me to start terrorizing my own little corner of the Internet again. As I'm aware, I've probably lost most readers of this website. Don't worry, if I were you, I would've disappeared like LeBron James' heart in the fourth quarter of the NBA Finals, too. I haven't been very much fun lately, I understand this. So this time around I figure I'll just keep it low-key and not let mine or anyone else's expectations run least for the time being. I know I've got a small amount of loyal readers that will come back on board no matter what, so I guess I'll start there and work my way up. I don't know how much I'll be around, but I can promise you that it will be more than the invisible me of the last 9 months or so. Like Robert De Niro tells Calogero in A Bronx Tale, "The saddest thing in life is wasted talent." Ain't it the truth, LeBron?

Unlike Queen James, I don't want to let my talents go to waste. Just like playing a sport for a living, writing is fun. It's a good thing to be good at, so I don't really know what the hell the problem's been with me lately. I won't really get into the specifics because it's not that interesting or important--just know I haven't given up my attempted ability to entertain people with my warped view of how the world works. So we'll see how things go. I think at least for the time being, it'll go back to just me writing content for the site. My platoon of dutiful contributors is lurking on the periphery, I'm sure, but I won't do them a disservice by bringing them back into the fold until I'm certain to myself that I'm back. This remains to be seen, but hey, I have faith. After how fucking sad my life has become at certain points over the last couple of years, I have to imagine that there's a loud, dark, demented voice that still needs to be heard. Stay tuned.

That being said, what might you look forward to in the coming days and weeks (remember, we're curtailing our expectations and starting off slow for now)? Well as usual, there's a lot rattling around in my brain right now, and here are some potential topics:

  • How Freaks & Geeks and Arrested Development, two of America's most furiously short-lived television shows, launched an unprecedented amount of talent all while garnering two immensely loyal cult followings.
  • Why Twitter is both an incredibly useful source of information AND one of the most pointless, maddening productions of modern technology.
  • The NBA Draft (a.k.a. which team drafts Charles Jenkins and becomes my second favorite squad for the next 10 years?)
  • The 10 Best television series of my lifetime
  • The state of American cinema, summer edition
  • The absolute best blog (aside from this one when it's running full steam ahead) for the average white male
  • Sports Illustrated swimsuit models: the Murderer's Row of hot chicks
  • The anatomy of a fantasy baseball kamikaze
  • And the topic that will make me want to dive headfirst into an active volcano: Why Boston is the greatest sports city in America
So there you have it. Based on the vast array of topics listed above, I should have enough material to keep myself busy through the rest of the summer. Hopefully, I'll come up with even more new ideas along the way. If you rejoin the madness again, great; if not, I'll still be here if and when you decide to knock on the door again. Yep, Special Ed is back in town for another go-round. How I reliable I am this time (What about your wife, Arnold? She got reliable) remains to be seen, but I owe it to myself and anyone that's ever read anything written on this website to give it yet another shot. 

Damn glad to be back,
Special Ed

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Best Music Videos of the 2000's.

The music video: once the slayer of the radio star, now currently being swept under the rug of the Internet. Though the hay day for music videos was in the 1980s and 1990s, its really came into its own as an art form in the 2000s as some of the most creative and influential visual directors of the decade flocked towards the medium.
We now present you with our choices for the Top 5 Music Videos of the 2000s.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Second annual Academy Award running diary...King's Speech reigns supreme

OK, movie fans, the time has come for yet another massive running diary. Did I rip off the concept from's Bill Simmons? Yeah, but he's probably too busy running podcasts from his L.A. mansion to undertake such an intricate project, which is why you've got me. We did one of these enormous running diaries for last year's Academy Awards, and I attempted to do so again.

Just as I did last year, I reserved His Royal Highness, the King of Dipshit Valley as my sidekick for the evening's festivities. King was crushing beers as we chatted online during the show, and his musings were raunchier than ever. You have to understand, to King and myself, every single celebrity in Hollywood is on some sort of illicit substance at any given, please do not hold any of what we say against us. Good luck living inside our brains for a night and getting out alive.


My Gift to the World: The Fake Stomach

It’s time to make the world a better place, inventors. Let’s stop playing around with phone apps and get down to what really matters: our eating habits. I’ve come up with the invention that will benefit all of western civilization and I’m giving it to the world for free. Ladies and gentleman, the fake stomach…

Friday, February 25, 2011

Second annual BCP Oscars pool extravaganza!

Despite the fact that I've indefinitely slowed down production on the blog to concentrate on other important aspects of life (you know, getting a real job, making money, shit like that), I would certainly hope that we're still your preferred destination for the most kickass Academy Award coverage out there. A self-proclaimed Oscar geek and opinionated asshole when it comes to movies, I thrive on being able to share my zany thoughts with the world regarding cinema's biggest day of the year. Last year, when the blog was still in its infancy stages, BCP featured two massive Oscar-related posts: the raunchy yet thorough running diary of the actual award show (this will return on Sunday, too), as well as an Oscar pool featuring three of this website's most esteemed contributors in myself, Cousin Mike and the Hoffbeast. That sonofabitch from Cleveland eeked out a close victory over yours truly, picking correctly in 13 categories to my 11 (Cousin Mike, who had only seen two of the 10 Best Picture nominees, finished with a respectable 9 points). Thankfully, my shot at vengeance is on the horizon, and I'm more prepared for the Oscars this year than any other year in my life. All three participants from last year's pool return, and we've added a fourth competitor in J.C. Bromero, mainly because I fancy making him my bitch anytime we're both involved in an Oscar pool (I absolutely trounced him in 2009, easiest $20 I ever made). For the most part we'll be following the same format as last year, so how's about we stop dicking around and get down to business...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Youtube Video of the Month

Has it been a while since your socks have been knocked off by a musical performance?
Do yourself a favor: check out Youtuber, Lea Cappelli's  cover of "Sugar in My Bowl" and fall in love.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

5 Things I'm Into This Week (Vol. 2)

Alright sports fans, so last week's 5 Things I'm Into This Week proved to be a pretty big hit around these parts, both with the viewers and my fellow co-blogers. So I'm back and this week I'm bringing the noise, the pain, the thunder, you name it. Without further ado, let's jump head first into:

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

2011 Oscar Nominations List

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s officially Oscar Season. This morning they announced the nominees. Check ‘em out and let us know what you think.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Plan for a Better Tomorrow: King of America

Boom! Wake up, America. You’ve just decided to appoint the Hoffbeast as the first ever King of America. And buckle up because “King” is just a fun title, I’m a dictator baby and I’ve got a plan that is going to shake up your whole world. 
My ideas may seem crazy at first, but I think if you used your imagination you could see how I should, indeed, be named King of America.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Five Things I'm Into This Week

So looks like the crew here at Beer and Cleaning Products has fallen into a trend. The trend is lists, as Special Ed said in the Best of 2010 post, they are SO in right now! You have Special Ed's 10 Things I Hate That You All Love, and then the Hoffbeast's 11 Things I Love That You All Hate follow-up. Now it's time to throw my hat into the ring with this post with J.C. Bromero's Top Five Things I'm Into This Week.

Friday, January 14, 2011

And Then There Were 8: An NFL Divisional Playoff Preview

(The bye weeks are done: it's business time for Tom Brady & Matt Ryan)

After a dismal Saturday that saw Special Ed stumble to an 0-2 start in playoff pick 'em, I was debating whether or not to even write another prediction post. Nobody wants to listen to a shitbird who gets everything wrong and really has no idea what he or she is talking about...that's why we have Merrill Hoge, right? Thankfully, I had a nice rebound day on Sunday with wins from the Ravens and Packers. After the games were finished, I kind of frowned at my 2-2 mark; that is, until I realized hardly anybody did better than that because hardly anybody picked the Jets or Seahawks to win. I'm not on an island after all, and thus it is now my mission to use this possible rejuvenation to propel myself into a perfect 4-0 Divisional Round. I was really only excited for the Eagles game last weekend, but this time around I'm genuinely looking forward to all four upcoming games, at least in some capacity. Which young stud quarterback, Rodgers or Ryan, will lead his team to the NFC title game? Can the suddenly confident Seahawks pull off another stunner with a win in Chicago? Will the Jets (and their loudmouth fans) get their comeuppance again at New England? And which bitter AFC North rival will fight to play for a shot at the Super Bowl, Baltimore or Pittsburgh? The answers lie ahead.......well, even if they don't, I'll probably just end up making fun of a bunch of ass clowns, so we all win either way!

11 things I love that you all hate

I'm still reeling from Special Ed’s post about the ten things he hates that we all love. But I think we can all agree that even though we’ve lost respect for him as a human being, he’s gained more respect as a blogger. Not many men want to walk around saying they don’t like “The Godfather” – you could get beat up for that – but he had the balls to announce to the world.
            On the opposite end of the spectrum, I would like to contribute my more positive rebuttal:  Eleven Things I Love That You All Hate.

10 things I hate that you all love

When I started this website almost one year ago, I made a solemn promise to my readers: that I would tear down all things that suck. With thorough bashings of Ben Roethlisberger, Jesse James, James Cameron, killer whales, Jay Leno and many more already in the books, I feel like I've adhered to that initial pact. However, me being the cynical, surly bastard with a quadruple-digit pop culture IQ that I am, I've recently allowed my mind to wander...while I've covered topics in the past that we are all in agreement on regarding their crappiness, I decided to approach my general grouchy demeanor from a new angle. Instead of writing about things we all hate, I have decided to make a list of things that I hate...but that you all probably love. I have a tendency to rebel against things that society deems universally popular, so it's likely you won't agree with anything that I am saying. Luckily for me, this fact is unimportant. And while "hate" may be a strong word in describing those on this list, I think my general consensus is that while I may not "hate" what I am talking about, I don't necessary "like" it, either. If anything, I'm angrily puzzled as to why so much of these 10 people, places or things are considered a genuinely good thing by a majority of the American public.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Stigmata and Religious Symbolism in "Home Alone"

            Religious symbolism in secular Christmas films is nothing new. The holiday itself is a nice mixture of non-religious traditions with varying degrees of Christian undertones. So you’re making a movie about Christmas and you want to throw in a Church or a cross somewhere – no big deal - but to specifically use the graphic symbolism of the wounds of crucifixion in a classic family comedy was a bold – and often missed – choice by director Chris Columbus in the 1990 film, “Home Alone.”
Not sure what I’m referring to? Hit “read more” for evidence and analysis that I am shocked to be (as far as my google searching has shown) the first to discuss online.

Friday, January 7, 2011

BCP breaks down NFL Wild Card Weekend

You know, I've sort of approached pro football with a general sense of apathy for the past two or three years. I think my newly-developed rabid fervor for baseball just lessened the appeal of any other professional sport, and a specific mistrust for the league's highest officials as well as a personal battle with the fandom of my own team made this fact ring especially true for the NFL. I was apathetic and disinterested, but the Phillies' surprising early postseason exit had me reaching out grasping for something to hang onto, and the NFL surprisingly served as my lifeboat. I figured the upcoming college basketball season would have kept me in good spirits following the crushing baseball loss, but it wasn't basketball at all that saved me from the awful prospect of becoming a bored sports fan. I was on the bubble in the early portion of the NFL season, but intriguing storylines and a genuine curiosity for the surprisingly fun to watch Eagles suddenly made me a fan again. The revival felt great. Suddenly I was interested again, to the point where a putrid Seahawks-Rams game to decide the NFC West title was even semi-interesting. I wasn't expecting the return to the NFL bandwagon, so don't ask for me to explain it. Just be thankful it occurred because now we get to talk about the fun part: the playoffs. This weekend, there are four first-round Wild Card games to decide who will move one step closer to the Super Bowl and what other three teams will be going home with Seattle. Let's take a look at the matchups...